Agency Declares 'Q4' as Emotional State, Offers Paid Leave for Strategists Experiencing It
In a bold move hailed as either visionary or deeply worrying, Auckland-based agency Mill & Funnel has officially recognised "Q4" as an emotional state, similar to grief or seasonal affective disorder.
Effective immediately, any strategist, account manager, or junior planner who utters the phrase "we'll pick it up in Q1" while white-knuckling a keep cup will be granted up to three days of paid Mental Q4 Leave. Witnesses to Q4-related breakdowns, such as spontaneous chart vomiting or bitterly ironic references to Cannes, are also entitled to half-days. HR has since installed a forest-themed chill-out pod named ‘Roadmap’ with a soft beanbag and a live feed of inter-departmental Slack threads.
“Q4 isn’t just a time, it’s a condition,” explained Head of Strategy and recently certified Breathwork Facilitator, Jasmine Clifton. “Traditional burnout frameworks don’t account for the way Q4 warps time, ruins friendships, and doubles the use of the word ‘deck’ in completely unnatural ways.” Clifton reportedly drafted the internal memo during a client WIP while pretending to update the Google Drive.
The initiative includes a mandatory Q4 Preparedness Training featuring guided meditations led by a local barista-turned-executive-coach, and a roleplay called ‘Saying No to Uncosted Ideas’. Staff will also receive refurbished Fitbits from the 2016 office wellness program, although the tracking app has been replaced with a custom dashboard called PanicRate™. A spokesperson for Mill & Funnel confirmed the internal survey results were promising so far, with 78% of staff saying they now cry "with purpose."
“It's not about working less,” said CEO Kieran Mathers, while halfway through his third espresso tonic. “It’s about monetising the spiral.”
Effective immediately, any strategist, account manager, or junior planner who utters the phrase "we'll pick it up in Q1" while white-knuckling a keep cup will be granted up to three days of paid Mental Q4 Leave. Witnesses to Q4-related breakdowns, such as spontaneous chart vomiting or bitterly ironic references to Cannes, are also entitled to half-days. HR has since installed a forest-themed chill-out pod named ‘Roadmap’ with a soft beanbag and a live feed of inter-departmental Slack threads.
“Q4 isn’t just a time, it’s a condition,” explained Head of Strategy and recently certified Breathwork Facilitator, Jasmine Clifton. “Traditional burnout frameworks don’t account for the way Q4 warps time, ruins friendships, and doubles the use of the word ‘deck’ in completely unnatural ways.” Clifton reportedly drafted the internal memo during a client WIP while pretending to update the Google Drive.
The initiative includes a mandatory Q4 Preparedness Training featuring guided meditations led by a local barista-turned-executive-coach, and a roleplay called ‘Saying No to Uncosted Ideas’. Staff will also receive refurbished Fitbits from the 2016 office wellness program, although the tracking app has been replaced with a custom dashboard called PanicRate™. A spokesperson for Mill & Funnel confirmed the internal survey results were promising so far, with 78% of staff saying they now cry "with purpose."
“It's not about working less,” said CEO Kieran Mathers, while halfway through his third espresso tonic. “It’s about monetising the spiral.”