NZ Agency Launches Groundbreaking Strategy to Target Consumers Who ‘Almost Buy Things Then Chicken Out’
In a bold move that industry insiders are calling 'unhinged but sort of brilliant', boutique Wellington agency Crumple & Bink has unveiled its latest strategic product: The Hesitation Funnel™. The initiative targets a deeply misunderstood niche—the population segment that adds items to carts, hovers dramatically over ‘Buy Now’, then vanishes into the digital ether to make tea.
‘This is a massive, untapped market,’ said Head of Thoughtful Staring, Dylan Pike, whose recent ethnographic research included 74 hours secretly watching his flatmate abandon online carts and two accidental deep dives into Reddit anxiety threads. ‘We basically asked: What if hesitation was the beginning of a journey, not the end?’
Built on a proprietary model known internally as the “Maybe Matrix”, Crumple & Bink’s system gently pesters users across digital platforms for up to three weeks. It employs nostalgic cartoon imagery, vague malaise-driven copylines and, when necessary, an apologetic Labrador. Early test campaigns for a collapsible toast rack saw conversions shoot up 2.4%, or as Crumple & Bink’s Head of Emotional Metrics, Gretchen Toom, puts it, “nearly a whole person.”
The agency is also proud to introduce real-time whisper UX. Using microphone permissions no one remembers enabling, the site quietly asks visitors, ‘You sure you don't deserve this?’ just before bedtime. Tests show this has a 67% rate of causing at least one item purchase or one deep personal reckoning.
Crumple & Bink say their next frontier is ‘the post-purchase regret segment’. Rumour has it they’re beta-testing Retraction Ads, which offer gentle affirmations and distraction playlists to people scrolling their bank statements at 3am.
‘This is a massive, untapped market,’ said Head of Thoughtful Staring, Dylan Pike, whose recent ethnographic research included 74 hours secretly watching his flatmate abandon online carts and two accidental deep dives into Reddit anxiety threads. ‘We basically asked: What if hesitation was the beginning of a journey, not the end?’
Built on a proprietary model known internally as the “Maybe Matrix”, Crumple & Bink’s system gently pesters users across digital platforms for up to three weeks. It employs nostalgic cartoon imagery, vague malaise-driven copylines and, when necessary, an apologetic Labrador. Early test campaigns for a collapsible toast rack saw conversions shoot up 2.4%, or as Crumple & Bink’s Head of Emotional Metrics, Gretchen Toom, puts it, “nearly a whole person.”
The agency is also proud to introduce real-time whisper UX. Using microphone permissions no one remembers enabling, the site quietly asks visitors, ‘You sure you don't deserve this?’ just before bedtime. Tests show this has a 67% rate of causing at least one item purchase or one deep personal reckoning.
Crumple & Bink say their next frontier is ‘the post-purchase regret segment’. Rumour has it they’re beta-testing Retraction Ads, which offer gentle affirmations and distraction playlists to people scrolling their bank statements at 3am.