Agency Declares Pizza Friday a Strategic Brand Positioning Exercise
AUCKLAND, NZ – In a bold move that has left senior strategists pretending it makes sense, award-winning agency Glare & Flex has rebranded its weekly Pizza Friday as a 'Strategic Brand Positioning Exercise.'
According to a 17-slide deck sent unsolicited to all staff at 9:12am Thursday, the rebrand is designed to “leverage edible touchpoints to reinforce internal culture alignment.” The deck featured seven stock images of people high-fiving near pizza boxes, one diagram comparing pepperoni distribution to consumer segmentation, and a shot of a beagle in sunglasses, which remained unexplained.
Head of People & Ping Pong, Rowena Franks, said the change reflects the agency’s “hunger for cohesion” and “crust-centric community building.” She clarified the pizza isn’t going anywhere, though slices of Meat Lovers will now serve as metaphors for cross-platform synergies. "Every pizza is a narrative," she told staff, “Just like every KPI is a topping. Find your mozzarella.” That sentence has since been printed, unironically, above the kitchen sink.
Staff reaction has been mixed. One junior art director was seen Googling whether metaphor-induced nausea counts as a sick day. Meanwhile, the digital team has requested a version of the pizza that’s gluten-free, insight-driven, and agile by Q2. At time of publication, a new Slack channel titled #CrustAlignment is live, but muted by 78% of employees.
According to a 17-slide deck sent unsolicited to all staff at 9:12am Thursday, the rebrand is designed to “leverage edible touchpoints to reinforce internal culture alignment.” The deck featured seven stock images of people high-fiving near pizza boxes, one diagram comparing pepperoni distribution to consumer segmentation, and a shot of a beagle in sunglasses, which remained unexplained.
Head of People & Ping Pong, Rowena Franks, said the change reflects the agency’s “hunger for cohesion” and “crust-centric community building.” She clarified the pizza isn’t going anywhere, though slices of Meat Lovers will now serve as metaphors for cross-platform synergies. "Every pizza is a narrative," she told staff, “Just like every KPI is a topping. Find your mozzarella.” That sentence has since been printed, unironically, above the kitchen sink.
Staff reaction has been mixed. One junior art director was seen Googling whether metaphor-induced nausea counts as a sick day. Meanwhile, the digital team has requested a version of the pizza that’s gluten-free, insight-driven, and agile by Q2. At time of publication, a new Slack channel titled #CrustAlignment is live, but muted by 78% of employees.