Local Agency Appoints Director of Meeting Snacks After Q1 ‘Biscuit Incident’
Auckland based creative shop Lantern & Vale has today announced the appointment of a full time Director of Meeting Snacks, following what insiders are calling “the Tim Tam imbalance of February”. The newly created role will oversee procurement, plating strategy and crumb mitigation across all client facing and internal gatherings. The move comes after a junior account executive reportedly brought budget gingernuts to a six figure pitch, triggering what one staffer described as “a dip in perceived brand confidence”.
Managing Partner Clive Renshaw said the agency could no longer leave snack decisions to chance. “We invest weeks crafting a brand world, then someone wheels in a family pack of assorted creams like it’s a school gala. It sends a message. We just don’t know what that message is.” A cross functional Snack Steering Committee has been formed, featuring representatives from Strategy, Creative and one traumatised intern who once served rice crackers without dip.
Under the new framework, every meeting will be assigned a carbohydrate tier. Tier One, described as ‘transformational’, includes laminated pastries and individually portioned dark chocolate squares with at least 70 percent cocoa. Tier Two, ‘collaborative’, allows for reputable supermarket biscuits decanted into ceramic vessels to remove any trace of barcode. Tier Three, ‘internal only’, remains confidential but sources confirm it involves muesli bars still in the box.
Lantern & Vale insists the move is already paying dividends. Since implementing a pilot snack matrix in late January, the agency reports a 14 percent increase in client nodding and a measurable lift in the phrase “this feels premium”. Recruitment ads for the Director of Meeting Snacks specify a minimum of five years experience in catering adjacent fields and “a steady hand under pressure, particularly when the sausage rolls arrive lukewarm”. Industry observers say it is only a matter of time before other agencies follow suit, assuming they can find the budget after upgrading to sparkling water.
Managing Partner Clive Renshaw said the agency could no longer leave snack decisions to chance. “We invest weeks crafting a brand world, then someone wheels in a family pack of assorted creams like it’s a school gala. It sends a message. We just don’t know what that message is.” A cross functional Snack Steering Committee has been formed, featuring representatives from Strategy, Creative and one traumatised intern who once served rice crackers without dip.
Under the new framework, every meeting will be assigned a carbohydrate tier. Tier One, described as ‘transformational’, includes laminated pastries and individually portioned dark chocolate squares with at least 70 percent cocoa. Tier Two, ‘collaborative’, allows for reputable supermarket biscuits decanted into ceramic vessels to remove any trace of barcode. Tier Three, ‘internal only’, remains confidential but sources confirm it involves muesli bars still in the box.
Lantern & Vale insists the move is already paying dividends. Since implementing a pilot snack matrix in late January, the agency reports a 14 percent increase in client nodding and a measurable lift in the phrase “this feels premium”. Recruitment ads for the Director of Meeting Snacks specify a minimum of five years experience in catering adjacent fields and “a steady hand under pressure, particularly when the sausage rolls arrive lukewarm”. Industry observers say it is only a matter of time before other agencies follow suit, assuming they can find the budget after upgrading to sparkling water.