Agency Introduces '9am Vortex' Room to Channel Existential Spiral into Billable Time
In a bold move set to revolutionise internal culture and “push the envelope of productivity despair,” Auckland-based creative agency Blur & Partners unveiled its newest innovation this week: the 9am Vortex Room™.
The room, described in internal documents as “part sanctuary, part cry for help,” is a dedicated space where account managers and junior strategists can stare into the abyss before their daily stand-ups. Outfitted with one worn-out beanbag, a single flickering fluorescent light and a framed print of a 2013 Cannes shortlist entry, the room promises to be a safe space for silent dread. A supervised kettle is available, but only boils to 84 degrees.
"We wanted to harness those first 15 minutes of the day when everyone’s pretending they slept last night,” said Culture Activation Lead, Miriama Frazer, who was hired in April and has yet to be assigned a project. “Traditionally, that energy gets burned pacing by the communal fridge or fake-laughing at Slack threads. Now, it’s channelled into something revenue-adjacent."
Early feedback has been mixed. One anonymous art director said the space “really helped me accept the slow erosion of my personality,” while another admitted to using it exclusively to scream into a KeepCup. Blur & Partners plans to roll out similar initiatives soon, including the 'Delayed Feedback Lounge' and the much-anticipated 'Mid-Review Ice Bath Experience.' No timeline has been set for the installation of functioning Wi-Fi.
The room, described in internal documents as “part sanctuary, part cry for help,” is a dedicated space where account managers and junior strategists can stare into the abyss before their daily stand-ups. Outfitted with one worn-out beanbag, a single flickering fluorescent light and a framed print of a 2013 Cannes shortlist entry, the room promises to be a safe space for silent dread. A supervised kettle is available, but only boils to 84 degrees.
"We wanted to harness those first 15 minutes of the day when everyone’s pretending they slept last night,” said Culture Activation Lead, Miriama Frazer, who was hired in April and has yet to be assigned a project. “Traditionally, that energy gets burned pacing by the communal fridge or fake-laughing at Slack threads. Now, it’s channelled into something revenue-adjacent."
Early feedback has been mixed. One anonymous art director said the space “really helped me accept the slow erosion of my personality,” while another admitted to using it exclusively to scream into a KeepCup. Blur & Partners plans to roll out similar initiatives soon, including the 'Delayed Feedback Lounge' and the much-anticipated 'Mid-Review Ice Bath Experience.' No timeline has been set for the installation of functioning Wi-Fi.