Agency Launches Revolutionary Internal Calendar That Syncs With Absolutely Nobody Else
AUCKLAND — In a bold move designed to boost efficiency through maximal confusion, local agency ThinkOrb rolled out its proprietary internal calendar system this week, dubbed 'Syncra-Tyme.' The tool, described by insiders as “intentionally unhelpful,” allows team members to book meetings in a 13-month Gregorian-inspired format that does not correspond to any known operating calendar, including Google, Microsoft, or human biology.
“This is more than just a calendar,” said Jules Kavanagh, ThinkOrb’s Head of Workflow Evangelism and Petty Redesigns. “It’s a manifestation of our agency’s mindset. Fridays are now half-Wednesdays, and we’ve removed Mondays, because nobody likes them. Each month ends with a free-floating day we call Someday.”
Syncra-Tyme offers premium features like Mood-Based Scheduling, which delays meetings if Mercury is in retrograde, and Slack-Integrated Passive Aggression Alerts, which trigger a cascading series of delayed project timelines the moment someone books over your 'deep-focus thinking sprint' block. It's said to pair well with the agency’s 4.75-day work week and ‘briefing sabbatical’ initiative, which encourages creatives to take a month off every time they almost understand a client's brief.
Clients have not been informed. Nor can they access the calendar. Attempts to book meetings result in a polite 404 page that reads, “Time is conceptual. So is your budget.” Internally, there is a waiting list to request a request form just to access the calendar's onboarding video, which reviewers have confirmed is a looping goat screaming into an Excel spreadsheet.
Despite this, staff report a 300% increase in 'clarity vibes' and one junior producer claims she “feels like she’s working from the future, but trapped in a now that’s unfolding oddly.”
The agency is now pitching Syncra-Tyme as a white-label product, which can be licensed by other agencies for $849 a month and at least two hours of their sanity.
“This is more than just a calendar,” said Jules Kavanagh, ThinkOrb’s Head of Workflow Evangelism and Petty Redesigns. “It’s a manifestation of our agency’s mindset. Fridays are now half-Wednesdays, and we’ve removed Mondays, because nobody likes them. Each month ends with a free-floating day we call Someday.”
Syncra-Tyme offers premium features like Mood-Based Scheduling, which delays meetings if Mercury is in retrograde, and Slack-Integrated Passive Aggression Alerts, which trigger a cascading series of delayed project timelines the moment someone books over your 'deep-focus thinking sprint' block. It's said to pair well with the agency’s 4.75-day work week and ‘briefing sabbatical’ initiative, which encourages creatives to take a month off every time they almost understand a client's brief.
Clients have not been informed. Nor can they access the calendar. Attempts to book meetings result in a polite 404 page that reads, “Time is conceptual. So is your budget.” Internally, there is a waiting list to request a request form just to access the calendar's onboarding video, which reviewers have confirmed is a looping goat screaming into an Excel spreadsheet.
Despite this, staff report a 300% increase in 'clarity vibes' and one junior producer claims she “feels like she’s working from the future, but trapped in a now that’s unfolding oddly.”
The agency is now pitching Syncra-Tyme as a white-label product, which can be licensed by other agencies for $849 a month and at least two hours of their sanity.