Agency Launches Revolutionary Service to Target Left-Handed Short People Named Greg
In what industry insiders are calling 'a brave reimagining of psychographic data' and what everyone else is calling 'utter nonsense', boutique Auckland agency Plinth+Crumb has unveiled its newest targeting innovation: NanoSeg™—a proprietary audience segmentation tool designed exclusively for left-handed New Zealanders named Greg who are under 172cm, vote Green, and own more than two reusable drink bottles.
“Marketing has been far too broad for far too long,” said Plinth+Crumb’s Head of Micro-Micro-Strategy, Alexa Tungsten, while holding what appeared to be a clipboard made of driftwood. “Our research shows that this Greg demographic has an unusually high brand loyalty to beetroot hummus, and they’re disproportionately upset by fonts that mimic handwriting. This is the untapped market we've all been ignoring.”
The firm launched its pilot campaign last week, repositioning a brand of artisanal shoehorns as 'ergonomic insertion facilitators' in an 87-second TikTok short filmed entirely in Te Aro's community garden. Plinth+Crumb claims a 400% increase in ad recall among the Greg subsegment, although critics note the sample size was three men and a goat named Gregor.
Industry response ranges from disbelief to mild stomach discomfort. “I can’t even tell if this is satire or a real media release,” said one senior planner at a large network agency who asked not to be named, adding, “But I definitely know a Greg who ticks all those boxes. And he's annoying. This will work.”
Sources close to the matter report that the agency is currently planning its next product: a scented experiential billboard scented like the backseat of a 1998 Nissan Wingroad, designed to evoke "aspirational nostalgia with decaf notes."
“Marketing has been far too broad for far too long,” said Plinth+Crumb’s Head of Micro-Micro-Strategy, Alexa Tungsten, while holding what appeared to be a clipboard made of driftwood. “Our research shows that this Greg demographic has an unusually high brand loyalty to beetroot hummus, and they’re disproportionately upset by fonts that mimic handwriting. This is the untapped market we've all been ignoring.”
The firm launched its pilot campaign last week, repositioning a brand of artisanal shoehorns as 'ergonomic insertion facilitators' in an 87-second TikTok short filmed entirely in Te Aro's community garden. Plinth+Crumb claims a 400% increase in ad recall among the Greg subsegment, although critics note the sample size was three men and a goat named Gregor.
Industry response ranges from disbelief to mild stomach discomfort. “I can’t even tell if this is satire or a real media release,” said one senior planner at a large network agency who asked not to be named, adding, “But I definitely know a Greg who ticks all those boxes. And he's annoying. This will work.”
Sources close to the matter report that the agency is currently planning its next product: a scented experiential billboard scented like the backseat of a 1998 Nissan Wingroad, designed to evoke "aspirational nostalgia with decaf notes."