Marketers Launch Groundbreaking Campaign to Rebrand the Word ‘Moist’
AUCKLAND – In a bold move that absolutely nobody asked for, New Zealand’s Advertising Standards Guild (not to be confused with any actual organisation) has announced a nationwide campaign to rehabilitate the word ‘moist’.
The rebrand comes after extensive focus groups revealed that the public finds the word more objectionable than both GST increases and the sound of someone brushing their teeth over Zoom. According to one senior strategist, the word has been unfairly vilified by ‘societal vibes’ and deserves the same opportunities as more photogenic adjectives like ‘crisp’ or ‘artisan’. As part of the campaign, ‘moist’ will be shoehorned into marketing copy across multiple categories, including skincare, granola bars, and retirement villages. One prototype poster reads: ‘Stay moist longer with our funeral insurance plans’.
To lend intellectual heft, the campaign will include a 37-page whitepaper on ‘Embracing Moistness in the 21st Century Consumer Landscape’ complete with pie charts, even if nobody reads pie charts anymore. Agencies will also deploy a travelling ‘Moistness Experience Hub’, a converted shipping container filled with mist machines, cupcakes, and a laminated quote from Katherine Mansfield about damp curtains. Tickets will be free with proof of purchase from any supermarket sponge aisle.
The Guild expects measurable uplift in word-acceptance rates within three fiscal quarters, or whenever people stop laughing. They are also considering follow-up projects for other troubled words like ‘ointment’ and ‘panties’, but say funding depends on how quickly New Zealand warms to ‘moist’.
The rebrand comes after extensive focus groups revealed that the public finds the word more objectionable than both GST increases and the sound of someone brushing their teeth over Zoom. According to one senior strategist, the word has been unfairly vilified by ‘societal vibes’ and deserves the same opportunities as more photogenic adjectives like ‘crisp’ or ‘artisan’. As part of the campaign, ‘moist’ will be shoehorned into marketing copy across multiple categories, including skincare, granola bars, and retirement villages. One prototype poster reads: ‘Stay moist longer with our funeral insurance plans’.
To lend intellectual heft, the campaign will include a 37-page whitepaper on ‘Embracing Moistness in the 21st Century Consumer Landscape’ complete with pie charts, even if nobody reads pie charts anymore. Agencies will also deploy a travelling ‘Moistness Experience Hub’, a converted shipping container filled with mist machines, cupcakes, and a laminated quote from Katherine Mansfield about damp curtains. Tickets will be free with proof of purchase from any supermarket sponge aisle.
The Guild expects measurable uplift in word-acceptance rates within three fiscal quarters, or whenever people stop laughing. They are also considering follow-up projects for other troubled words like ‘ointment’ and ‘panties’, but say funding depends on how quickly New Zealand warms to ‘moist’.