Why Brands Keep Failing at Merch (and Why You Should Be Worrying About Zippers)
Let’s talk about merch. Branded hoodies, tote bags, water bottles, the whole post-conference office wardrobe. It started innocently enough. A logo on a t-shirt you actually wanted to wear ironically. But somewhere along the line, brands started thinking they were Supreme.
Here’s the thing. Most brand merch is bad. Not offensively bad, just depressingly average. Which is worse. You see, someone in marketing gets a burst of excitement after a mildly successful rebrand. They pitch merch as a vibe extender. The budget squeaks through. Then what? They throw the logo on some bulk-buy hoodie with a drawstring that frays into sadness.
I recently fell into a two-hour rabbit hole comparing custom zip quality across promotional fleece jackets. Did you know there’s a spectrum from YKK to generic disaster? Some zip fasteners actually have a two-month life expectancy. That’s brand perception unzipping itself, thread by thread. The zip is just the metaphor, but also, literally the zip. If you’re making merch, you are designing interaction. Not billboard-to-human. Hand-to-object. Splash out on the good zip.
The best brand merch feels like it wasn’t merch at all. It feels like it was designed by someone who knew the product would outlast the campaign. Think Allbirds’ internal swag kits. Or Patagonia’s co-branded vests that finance bros turned into a Wall Street power signal. New Zealand has the talent to create merch people covet. But we’ve got to stop thinking like giveaways, and start thinking like shopfronts. Your branded tote shouldn’t feel like an afterthought, it should be as considered as your homepage. And for the love of engagement, test the zips.
Here’s the thing. Most brand merch is bad. Not offensively bad, just depressingly average. Which is worse. You see, someone in marketing gets a burst of excitement after a mildly successful rebrand. They pitch merch as a vibe extender. The budget squeaks through. Then what? They throw the logo on some bulk-buy hoodie with a drawstring that frays into sadness.
I recently fell into a two-hour rabbit hole comparing custom zip quality across promotional fleece jackets. Did you know there’s a spectrum from YKK to generic disaster? Some zip fasteners actually have a two-month life expectancy. That’s brand perception unzipping itself, thread by thread. The zip is just the metaphor, but also, literally the zip. If you’re making merch, you are designing interaction. Not billboard-to-human. Hand-to-object. Splash out on the good zip.
The best brand merch feels like it wasn’t merch at all. It feels like it was designed by someone who knew the product would outlast the campaign. Think Allbirds’ internal swag kits. Or Patagonia’s co-branded vests that finance bros turned into a Wall Street power signal. New Zealand has the talent to create merch people covet. But we’ve got to stop thinking like giveaways, and start thinking like shopfronts. Your branded tote shouldn’t feel like an afterthought, it should be as considered as your homepage. And for the love of engagement, test the zips.