Wellington Agency Launches 'Creative-Offsites' That Are Just Bunnings Sausage Sizzles in Disguise
WELLINGTON, NZ – In a bold move to reimagine team bonding, mid-sized agency Sizzle & Co. has officially rebranded its staff ‘creative offsites’ as ‘Strategic Al Fresco Ideation Sessions’, which, after heavy investigation, appear to be thinly veiled Bunnings sausage sizzles.
“We wanted to push beyond ping pong tables and Slack emojis to really foster org-wide synergy,” says Head of People Experience Piper Vaughn, while casually flipping yet another onion-heavy snag on a greasy BBQ outside Bunnings Lyall Bay. “Besides, our last offsite involved a trust fall incident in Greytown that went viral on TikTok, so this approach felt…safer.”
The new sessions, held every second Friday, come complete with laminated briefing documents (‘Positioning the Sizzle: A Meatly Meta-Metaphor’) and a Spotify playlist allegedly curated by the intern but actually just ‘Top 40 BBQ Bangers’ on shuffle. Attendees are encouraged to bring fold-out chairs, reusable cutlery, and “open minds with mustard.” The latest marketing brainstorm included dead-serious discussions about rebranding sausages as ‘vertical meat sticks of nostalgia’.
While upper management insists strategic breakthroughs are happening in between mouthfuls of white bread and heavily subsidised Coke, several junior staff reportedly believe the entire initiative exists just to justify someone expensing $78 in tomato sauce per month. Sources confirm at least one intern was recently assigned to ‘trend-map condiments by season.’
“We wanted to push beyond ping pong tables and Slack emojis to really foster org-wide synergy,” says Head of People Experience Piper Vaughn, while casually flipping yet another onion-heavy snag on a greasy BBQ outside Bunnings Lyall Bay. “Besides, our last offsite involved a trust fall incident in Greytown that went viral on TikTok, so this approach felt…safer.”
The new sessions, held every second Friday, come complete with laminated briefing documents (‘Positioning the Sizzle: A Meatly Meta-Metaphor’) and a Spotify playlist allegedly curated by the intern but actually just ‘Top 40 BBQ Bangers’ on shuffle. Attendees are encouraged to bring fold-out chairs, reusable cutlery, and “open minds with mustard.” The latest marketing brainstorm included dead-serious discussions about rebranding sausages as ‘vertical meat sticks of nostalgia’.
While upper management insists strategic breakthroughs are happening in between mouthfuls of white bread and heavily subsidised Coke, several junior staff reportedly believe the entire initiative exists just to justify someone expensing $78 in tomato sauce per month. Sources confirm at least one intern was recently assigned to ‘trend-map condiments by season.’