Auckland Agency Launches Swear Jar Policy to Curb Strategic Ideation Waste
In a bold move to stem the endless tide of brainstorm jargon and buzzword inflation, Auckland-based agency ThinkHerd Collective has introduced a mandatory 'Swear Jar for Strategic Synergy'. Effective immediately, any staff member caught uttering audited no-no phrases such as 'circle back', 'low-hanging fruit', or 'unlocking paradigm shifts' will be fined $2, payable in 50-cent coins only.
The collected coins will be repurposed into a sculptural tribute to accountability, tentatively titled ‘The Cascade Funnel of Shame’. The agency estimates the sculpture should reach about 1.7 metres in height by Q3, entirely comprised of phrases overheard during weekly alignment meetings. Creative Director Sasha Bowers said the initiative isn’t just about discipline, it’s about respect for language. "We once lost a full pitch deck to the phrase 'value-led disruption'. The entire presentation just disappeared in a puff of eucalyptus-scented fog. Our Slack hasn't been the same since."
To enforce the policy, ThinkHerd has hired a retired semi-professional improv actor named Greg to sit in on meetings and shout, ‘BINGO!’ every time someone says 'brand DNA'. Greg has already recorded 43 BINGOs, and once stapled a media planner’s notes to the break room dartboard, declaring it ‘strategically unclear’. The team insists morale has never been higher.
Meanwhile, Accounts are quietly thrilled, having projected a $400 increase in petty cash alongside a 13% drop in someone suggesting "we just workshop it" with zero context. When asked if this would be rolled out across their Wellington office, Bowers paused. "Let’s not boil the ocean. Yet."
The collected coins will be repurposed into a sculptural tribute to accountability, tentatively titled ‘The Cascade Funnel of Shame’. The agency estimates the sculpture should reach about 1.7 metres in height by Q3, entirely comprised of phrases overheard during weekly alignment meetings. Creative Director Sasha Bowers said the initiative isn’t just about discipline, it’s about respect for language. "We once lost a full pitch deck to the phrase 'value-led disruption'. The entire presentation just disappeared in a puff of eucalyptus-scented fog. Our Slack hasn't been the same since."
To enforce the policy, ThinkHerd has hired a retired semi-professional improv actor named Greg to sit in on meetings and shout, ‘BINGO!’ every time someone says 'brand DNA'. Greg has already recorded 43 BINGOs, and once stapled a media planner’s notes to the break room dartboard, declaring it ‘strategically unclear’. The team insists morale has never been higher.
Meanwhile, Accounts are quietly thrilled, having projected a $400 increase in petty cash alongside a 13% drop in someone suggesting "we just workshop it" with zero context. When asked if this would be rolled out across their Wellington office, Bowers paused. "Let’s not boil the ocean. Yet."