Wellington Agency Launches World’s First “Pitch Fatigue Retreat” After Fifth RFP This Week
In an emotional candlelit ceremony held in a Weet-Bix-branded WeWork pod, Wellington agency Maxwell & Brick unveiled its latest service offering: the Pitch Fatigue Retreat. Aimed at creatives suffering from chronic ideation burnout after their fifth RFP this week alone, the retreat promises hot wheat bags, uninterrupted naps, and absolutely no requests for "just one more version."
Founder Candice Brick, who once Googled ‘how to fake your own disappearance’ after being briefed for a pitch at 11:43pm on a Sunday, said the retreat was born of necessity. “We realised our people weren’t OK,” she said, gesturing towards a staffer who was currently stress-stapling storyboards to their own pants. “They were replacing lunch with nicotine gum and calling it keto.” The three-day getaway is set on what used to be Candice’s cousin’s failed alpaca farm in Levin. It features guided rage walks, mandatory inbox shutdowns, and a ceremony where old scamps are burnt in a ‘cleansing bin fire’ while chanting ‘Key Message Is Fluid.’
Clients, naturally, have expressed concern. One anonymous brand manager said the new initiative was making it harder to "get six teams from six agencies to mash together one deck by Friday." "What do you mean they've gone bush to ‘reclaim their sense of self’? I just want some topline thoughts on my toothpaste NFT range,” she said. "It’s mint-flavoured. There’s a Gen Z angle. It sells itself."
Maxwell & Brick say their next step is lobbying for a legal limit of two RFPs per brand per quarter, or at minimum, a restorative justice circle before any pitch involving an activation in a carpark. They’ve also applied for charitable status, citing the retreat’s measurable reduction in Slack-triggered panic attacks and the symbolic healing of creative executives deleting their saved LinkedIn resignation notes.
Founder Candice Brick, who once Googled ‘how to fake your own disappearance’ after being briefed for a pitch at 11:43pm on a Sunday, said the retreat was born of necessity. “We realised our people weren’t OK,” she said, gesturing towards a staffer who was currently stress-stapling storyboards to their own pants. “They were replacing lunch with nicotine gum and calling it keto.” The three-day getaway is set on what used to be Candice’s cousin’s failed alpaca farm in Levin. It features guided rage walks, mandatory inbox shutdowns, and a ceremony where old scamps are burnt in a ‘cleansing bin fire’ while chanting ‘Key Message Is Fluid.’
Clients, naturally, have expressed concern. One anonymous brand manager said the new initiative was making it harder to "get six teams from six agencies to mash together one deck by Friday." "What do you mean they've gone bush to ‘reclaim their sense of self’? I just want some topline thoughts on my toothpaste NFT range,” she said. "It’s mint-flavoured. There’s a Gen Z angle. It sells itself."
Maxwell & Brick say their next step is lobbying for a legal limit of two RFPs per brand per quarter, or at minimum, a restorative justice circle before any pitch involving an activation in a carpark. They’ve also applied for charitable status, citing the retreat’s measurable reduction in Slack-triggered panic attacks and the symbolic healing of creative executives deleting their saved LinkedIn resignation notes.