Auckland Agency Launches Revolutionary New Pitch Strategy: Crying in Parking Lots
AUCKLAND, 7 April 2025 – In a bold move that's already being called 'brave' by mid-level creatives and 'troubling' by HR, boutique agency Falcon+Yak has announced its new approach to client pitches: emotional vulnerability and car parks.
Dubbed 'Emotionally Parking', the strategy replaces traditional pitch decks with live-feed footage of staff weeping outside Pack & Save Mt Albert. Agency co-founder Tanya Broome says authenticity is key. “We’ve spent decades pretending we know what we’re doing. But it wasn’t until Josh from Accounts broke down next to the trolley return that we realised despair converts.”
The first client to be wooed under the new method was a local oat milk brand, who immediately signed a 7-figure contract after witnessing a team member sob while softly whispering, “We’re not just pouring milk, we’re pouring trust.” Per internal reports, four of the last six pitch wins can be directly attributed to 'strategic breakdowns' performed between the hours of 8:30 and 9:15am.
A training module is now being rolled out across departments, including a pilot workshop titled ‘Tears vs KPIs: Finding the ROI of Mental Collapse’. Staff are encouraged to embrace radical openness, weaponise existential dread, and pack a high-vis vest, because some of these car parks have very limited visibility.
The agency insists this isn't a gimmick. “This is the future,” says Broome. “Trust me. I screamed it into a puddle in Albany last week, and the puddle really seemed to get it.”
Dubbed 'Emotionally Parking', the strategy replaces traditional pitch decks with live-feed footage of staff weeping outside Pack & Save Mt Albert. Agency co-founder Tanya Broome says authenticity is key. “We’ve spent decades pretending we know what we’re doing. But it wasn’t until Josh from Accounts broke down next to the trolley return that we realised despair converts.”
The first client to be wooed under the new method was a local oat milk brand, who immediately signed a 7-figure contract after witnessing a team member sob while softly whispering, “We’re not just pouring milk, we’re pouring trust.” Per internal reports, four of the last six pitch wins can be directly attributed to 'strategic breakdowns' performed between the hours of 8:30 and 9:15am.
A training module is now being rolled out across departments, including a pilot workshop titled ‘Tears vs KPIs: Finding the ROI of Mental Collapse’. Staff are encouraged to embrace radical openness, weaponise existential dread, and pack a high-vis vest, because some of these car parks have very limited visibility.
The agency insists this isn't a gimmick. “This is the future,” says Broome. “Trust me. I screamed it into a puddle in Albany last week, and the puddle really seemed to get it.”