Creative Agency Launches Annual Brand Font Olympics, Helvetica Narrow Disqualified for Doping
AUCKLAND, NZ — In what industry insiders are calling "the least necessary event since the Cannes Lions Beach Cleanup", boutique creative agency Crumbs+Salt has proudly launched the inaugural Brand Font Olympics, a design-led competition aimed at showcasing the world’s most athletic typefaces. Yes, fonts now compete. And yes, there’s a medal table.
The internal agency event, which somehow received NZ On Air funding and a feature slot in Campaign Asia, kicked off last Saturday in a local coworking space that once hosted a SoulCycle pop-up. Events included Endurance Kerning, 100m Brand Guidelines Sprints, and the prestigious Emotional Impact Triathlon. Helvetica Narrow was in line to take gold before it tested positive for excess spacing manipulation, a violation of the Graphic Integrity Code (GIC).
“We want to celebrate the fonts that really move the needle,” said Creative Director Alix Birchvale, while adjusting a lanyard made entirely of washi tape. “Comic Sans may be a joke to some, but it aced the Generational Resonance round. It made a junior designer cry. That’s impact.”
Rumours swirl that next year’s event will expand to include Scent Strategy Showdowns and Account Director Deadlifts. Crumbs+Salt is currently seeking sponsors, preferably ones who understand the nuance of ligature agility. Interested parties are encouraged to submit a 12-slide deck and a mood board referencing early-2000s Tumblr energy. Applications close after Alix gets back from Bali.
The internal agency event, which somehow received NZ On Air funding and a feature slot in Campaign Asia, kicked off last Saturday in a local coworking space that once hosted a SoulCycle pop-up. Events included Endurance Kerning, 100m Brand Guidelines Sprints, and the prestigious Emotional Impact Triathlon. Helvetica Narrow was in line to take gold before it tested positive for excess spacing manipulation, a violation of the Graphic Integrity Code (GIC).
“We want to celebrate the fonts that really move the needle,” said Creative Director Alix Birchvale, while adjusting a lanyard made entirely of washi tape. “Comic Sans may be a joke to some, but it aced the Generational Resonance round. It made a junior designer cry. That’s impact.”
Rumours swirl that next year’s event will expand to include Scent Strategy Showdowns and Account Director Deadlifts. Crumbs+Salt is currently seeking sponsors, preferably ones who understand the nuance of ligature agility. Interested parties are encouraged to submit a 12-slide deck and a mood board referencing early-2000s Tumblr energy. Applications close after Alix gets back from Bali.