Wellington Agency Launches Internal Rebrand Workshop Series, Immediately Implodes from Existential Crisis
WELLINGTON — In a bold move to 'find their inner purpose and re-align with brand truths', local creative agency Moss & Dagger has launched a twelve-week internal rebrand workshop. The sessions, led by a certified mindfulness coach-slash-former-powerlifter, aimed to ‘deconstruct agency DNA’ using complementary techniques like strategic drum circles and personality mapping through scented crayons.
The workshops were scheduled every Thursday at 3:13 p.m., 'alignment hour', a time chosen via brand numerology. Topics included 'Shaping Your Inner Tagline' and 'Discovering Your Font’s Emotional Resonance'. Staff also completed a 47-question quiz to determine their client persona archetype. One junior designer reportedly sobbed after discovering she was ‘Seasonal FMCG with Unrealised B2B Potential’.
Within three weeks, half the staff had entered voluntary digital detox mode, while the other half now communicate exclusively through pre-tested mood boards. One planner has not spoken aloud since Week 4, reportedly ‘reconnecting with her concept self’. HR has been replaced with a wall of mirrors and chocolate fish. The agency cat, Biscuits, was internally promoted to ‘Head of Narrative Flow’.
Agency co-founder Leo Rasmussen maintains it’s going to plan. “We’ve successfully rebranded ourselves as the sensation one feels when walking into a bakery that used to be a church. That’s alignment. That’s brand. We are the moment between moments.”
The client newsletter now reads only: ‘We are closed for blooming. Invoice us emotionally.’
The workshops were scheduled every Thursday at 3:13 p.m., 'alignment hour', a time chosen via brand numerology. Topics included 'Shaping Your Inner Tagline' and 'Discovering Your Font’s Emotional Resonance'. Staff also completed a 47-question quiz to determine their client persona archetype. One junior designer reportedly sobbed after discovering she was ‘Seasonal FMCG with Unrealised B2B Potential’.
Within three weeks, half the staff had entered voluntary digital detox mode, while the other half now communicate exclusively through pre-tested mood boards. One planner has not spoken aloud since Week 4, reportedly ‘reconnecting with her concept self’. HR has been replaced with a wall of mirrors and chocolate fish. The agency cat, Biscuits, was internally promoted to ‘Head of Narrative Flow’.
Agency co-founder Leo Rasmussen maintains it’s going to plan. “We’ve successfully rebranded ourselves as the sensation one feels when walking into a bakery that used to be a church. That’s alignment. That’s brand. We are the moment between moments.”
The client newsletter now reads only: ‘We are closed for blooming. Invoice us emotionally.’